While there are some who prefer drinking in moderation, colleges students are not those people. College kids typically have one goal in mind when drinking: to get hammered. Sure, we all have a preference, but not all alcohol is created equal. Do you want to cry? Do you want to end your night in a jail cell? Do you even want to remember your night? Your drink of choice is telling to the kind of person you are.

Four Loko

It’s only fitting to first discuss the infamous Four Loko considering it’s almost impossible to get through college without blacking-out after drinking one of these babies. Those of us who willingly drink these mystery concoctions are either a) a freshman or b) broke. Some might be both. IF you drink these for fun, or because you like the taste, you are a psychopath.


You are, without a doubt, a sad girl. You are enabling your sadness further by drinking wine. Please don’t try to say how fun it is drinking wine and then going out with the girls because we all know that you end up crying and calling your ex-boyfriend. Do everyone a favor and drink your wine in the safety of your own home so you can watch Netflix and pass out by 11 p.m.


I just want to know, who hurt you? You seem so angry and that you want to fight someone. Whiskey is badass, but I can’t help think that those who drink it are a little dead on the inside. You also might just be someone’s dad.


How does it feel being a complete lunatic? We all know when you make the conscious choice to drink tequila, something bad is going to happen. It’s like you enjoy destroying your own life. We all know you’re not trying to remember your night, and you’re only drinking tequila so you will have something to blame you stupid drunk actions on the next day.


Grouped together because they are the go-to drinks. You’re a simple human. You’re just trying to get drunk. You’re not trying to complicate things. OR You are just drinking whatever is present at a party, which is also okay.