You can never go out with a group of your girlfriends without something bad happening. If you have, please contact me because I would love to know what that’s like. The problem with my girl gang in particular is that we have enabled each other with a false sense of indestructibility. Due to the fact we encourage each other to put straws in our fifths so we can drink faster, we inevitably put ourselves in shitty situations.

Starting off with too much hype

Yeah, your friends are supposed to be your hype girls, but that hype can often be taken too far. Drinking with your girlfriends can never be casual. Someone yells in your ear that you’re a pussy bitch if you don’t take another shot, and you are most definitely not a pussy bitch, so you end up drinking too much. Then someone else yells, “FUCK THAT GUY YOU DON’T NEED HIM ANYWAYS.” Anytime a guy is mentioned during the pregame just know a war path is being created.

Someone yelling at the guy they’re hooking up with

“But he was talking to another girl!” Maybe he deserves it, maybe he doesn’t, but he’s also drunk and super confused on why a group of girls is verbally attacking him in his own home. At least 80% of the exchange is slurred words and no one really knows what’s happening. The most “sober” friend of the group will usually break this up and lead the girls to the bathroom.


Getting through a night without one girl crying? What’s that like? It’s not always sad crying. There have been many times a friend has cried over the overwhelming happiness of getting food. However, it’s usually sad crying. One girl will inevitably cry over the guy everyone else was yelling at, another will cry because she’s too drunk and a third will more or less have a mental breakdown that will confuse everyone. It’s truly a sight to see.

Peeing/puking together

Girls have to stay together! That means if one goes to the bathroom or goes outside, we all go. So it is not rare to have one friend peeing in a bush while another is throwing up on the side of the house, or to have one throwing up in the toilet as another pees in the bathtub. Very ladylike.

Losing everyone and everything

“Girls have to stay together!” gets thrown out the window. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I have a group of girlfriends who are runners. One girl leaves to go hang out with a guy, another leaves to go to another party and another leaves because she wants to go home. Suddenly you can’t find anyone, but you realize you have one friend’s phone in your pocket and another’s shoes are scattered across the lawn. You just sort of collect your things and hope everyone is okay.

Everyone survives

9/10 times no one is seriously injured from the happenings from the night before (the one exception was a sprained ankle, no biggie). The group text will be blown up once everyone is awake with “what the fuck happened” and “where are my clothes.” But 10/10 times there is photo proof to help piece together the night.