A Eugene man suffered a tragic career loss today as he failed to learn how to pump his own gas in time before his job interview.

“I thought I was finally going to get my dream job. I really did,” said Carter, who can’t pump his own gas.

Carter, who has lived in Oregon his whole life, has never had to pump his own gas. In January 2018, it became legal to self-serve gas in rural counties in Oregon. Carter, having taken a sabbatical from technology as part of his New Year’s resolution to “chill out on the screens this year,” had not heard about the new measure and was ultimately confused as to why nobody had attended to his parked car.  

“I kept looking around, and nobody was there. Usually I can catch their orange vests out the corner of my eye after I take off my Ray Bans. I couldn’t this time. I knew something was different,” Carter said.

After waiting around for 15 minutes, another car appeared at the gas station. A woman stepped out of her car, confidently inserted her credit card into the machine, pressed her preferred gas and inserted the pump into the tank.

“Yeah it’s pretty easy, I mean, the directions are like right there.” said Malia, an expert gas pumper.

“Look, I can’t risk getting gas on this suit, let alone smell like it for this very important interview.” said Carter, who was wearing his uncle’s hand-me down suit.

Carter, refusing to follow the actions of his fellow Oregonian, decided to leave his car at the gas station and walk to his job interview instead.

“I got in there, and they said they’d been waiting for me for 25 minutes. Then I spent the rest of the interview telling them why this new gas pumping law is ridiculous. They seemed to agree with me the whole time so I was pretty sure I got the job.”

Unfortunately, Carter did not get the job.