By Kim Uong

Going Out
Free class of 2016 lanyard in tow and water bottle filled, the freshman is ready to go out on any given night. We all know Margarita Monday, Tequila Tuesday, Wine Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday and then, of course, the weekend. While things are pretty easy on the ladies, as fun entails strapping on a tube skirt and skipping to the nearest frat liveout, guys have to get more creative. If it’s not walking around on Mill Street hunting for a party, there’s always what’s affectionately referred to as a “dorm storm.” This includes (but isn’t limited to) the classic dorm room pregame. Don’t forget to turn down the music so you don’t get written up.

Dorm Food
This is more or less the only way you hang out with your friends if they aren’t in your going out crew. “I’M HUNGRY,” you’ll text them. It’s possible that they already ate — they officially suck and you hate them. However, there’s the possibility that they too are hungry. You go back and forth deciding where to eat, finally settling on Hamilton because you want Big Mouth and he/she wants Fire ‘n’ Spice. You settle into a booth and stay there for 3 hours, running into other friends and ex-hookups as you just happen to look your scrubbiest. Carson Late Night: Overrated, but eating a whammy anyways.

Common Ground Munchies
No one should ever eat at Common Grounds sober because then you would realize that dipping a cheesy griller in artichoke or spinach dip is just not okay. Naturally, Commons is where you go when the party’s over; however, it is simply another one in itself, bumping only the best tunes and running into even more people.

Dorm Friends
Especially if you are from out of state/not involved/were a fucker in high school, you will need and love your dorm friends. However, this is an intense luck of the draw and says a lot about your ability to get along with different types of people. While you are somehow stuck in the “From NASA to Avatar” residential FIG , these people could also become your best friends for the next four years.

Dorm hookups
Ah, the inevitable hall incest. If you’re on a coed floor, consider this task to be much easier and hope that the crossover Eskimo brother or sisterhood does not cause tension within the gang. Things can get freaky; I once heard that this guy simply switched over from one bed to another.